My Father's Shield
by xxBluebellxx
Summary: James Rogers has difficulty accepting his father for who he is. Family. AU


_**Hey, everyone this is just a one-shot for my RP buddies on Twitter. Captain America and his wife, Peggy, just had their first twins yesterday; I got the feels to type something about the Cap and his son. It will mostly be about his son, but still, I love the idea already! It's an AU, so don't be confused or ask questions, I wrote this for fun. Also, I hope you like it. I don't know if it's going to be short or not, so I'm just winging it. This is just one chapter, no continuations or prequels. Thank you.**_

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_**My Father's Shield**_

All his life, James Clint Rogers has been told that he was his father's joy. He really couldn't remember much of his childhood, but one thing that James did remember, was the onslaught of joy and happiness he felt. Even if his memories of his childhood were distant and vague; one could not forget the prints emotions left on one's heart and mind. Even so, James had the pictures of himself and his family scattered around the house. James simply had to walk around the house in order to see his story unfold. Most of the pictures were about him and his mother, seeing that his father was hardly around to take pictures with him except for on holidays, or when S.H.I.E.L.D. gave his father a day off. Other photos were about the team, visiting, having fun during festivities; whenever the world wasn't in peril.

James' eyes scanned the pictures that were hanging on walls and sitting on shelves. A few of them were about his parents, visiting different places around the world such as Europe, Asia, South America; James guessed it was of their honey moon after they had married. His parents' story was remarkable. No one, not even Tony Stark knew that Howard Stark started a secret project below the grounds of Stark Industries. It was a few months after James' father went under into the ice, Howard had offered Margret 'Peggy' Carter if she wanted to partake in something that could change history. From what Tony had explained after finding his father's journal, Howard had created a tank where James' mother was placed in, having her sleep for seventy years, _without aging._

Of course Stark would be able to mimic his father's work, but he decided this was a project the world was not ready for, and so, closed the case and files when James' mother awoke. It had been a beautiful reunion between his parents, and the pictures were proof of their love. Then, his mother began to show in some pictures, obviously expecting her first and only child: James. His mother was amazing. Banner had once told him how Peggy Carter immediately fit into the modern era that was his world; she accustomed better than his father, that's for sure. He saw photos of her from back in the forties, and she changed her appearance dramatically. His mother let her hair grow, began to wear more era appropriate clothes, but she was still the agent everyone knew and read about. She had been one of the first S.H.I.E.L.D. agents Howard Stark recruited when he founded the facility, meaning, his mother took shit from no one.

And she was still beautiful.

James stopped many times to study the pictures of him when he was an infant and toddler. He always had this smile on his face, but his eyes, they were sharper than most kids at that age. Toney and Banner tried to explain to him, that some of his father's genes was fueled with the serum that was given to his father all those years ago. It meant that James was a little more advanced than most kids in both body and mind. It didn't help as he grew up, but it was something he had to force himself to deal with. As James took in the pictures, he noticed just how much he missed the happy times, the time span between Loki's defeat and before new enemies began to emerge.

It wasn't easy being the son of an Avenger, especially if he was the son of the great Captain America. Was James an ungrateful brat if he told everyone that he didn't take pride in his father at all? He knew that his father was never around because of missions and his recruiting missions, but would it kill his father to leave his moral responsibilities just a little? There have been several times when his mother scolded him for his behavior, and unwillingness to understand why his father did what he did. Which is why it annoyed James to no end when people told him he was like his father, or he was going to grow up like his father, or how he should try harder to be his father. No, never, he hated being compared to that man, Saint Steven Rogers.

That man…

Has their rift really become that large…?

It was only a matter of time. He was never there, Captain Rogers, the man who called himself his father. He wasn't there for football practice; he wasn't there when he needed a man to talk to. He was never there, not ever. He missed birthdays, games, celebrations, family night, dinners, and everything he could think of. On many occasions, Banner, Stark, and Barton have tried to give him life pointers, but it wasn't the same, he needed his father. James didn't need Steven Rogers, or Captain America; he needed his father, he wanted his dad. However, that was obviously too much to ask for, so he decided to just push himself away from the man completely.

As the years passed, his conversations with his father grew shorter and shorter. James began to make excuses to not take his calls, and he couldn't even look at the flag during the pledge without feeling a small bit of shame. Shame, yes, there has been times when he wished Steven Rogers wasn't even his father. Some feelings he couldn't help, and disappointment as well as anger fueled his loneliness and need to keep away from everyone, including his mother. There had been a time when James' father had promised to be at his graduation, and James had been stupid enough to feel some sort of hope. He should have known better, but like an idiot, he believed him. Throughout graduation he chanced a look at the audience, and all he saw was his mother, Barton, and Stark, who went through the trouble of going to his graduation, even if he did come late.

He had been so angry, he didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He had gone home in a rage, and when his mother tried to explain why his father did what he did, James responded by fiercely slamming the door in her face. He hated Captain America, he hated his father. His father betrayed him, chose other people, strangers, over himself. He didn't understand why Steve Rogers never put his family first. He was never going to understand, he didn't ever want to understand. It was unfair; he would never give anything to strangers. Everything he did was for them, never for James or his mother. Why did his father have to be him? He was never going to be like him, no matter how many times people told him that he should live up to his father's name. No, never…

One day, a year after James graduated high school, he had come home from the university he was accepted to for the summer. His mother had informed him that he had missed his father by a day, and that he should have taken the call when his father called him. It was obvious that James didn't want to talk to the man¸ so he left for another mission to Europe, well, isn't he always going there anyway? He had avoided all conversations with his mother about his father, and preoccupied himself with summer work. No phone call, no letter, the usual. He wasn't surprised.

It wasn't until the end of summer that his mother was unexpectedly called into the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility early one morning. She didn't stop to give him details as she grabbed her coat and keys. James had stumbled out of his room and down the stairs, seeing his mother at the door. Peggy opened the door, and looked up at James once, her eyes full of sorrow, as if she's been through the situation before, and left the house, slamming the door behind her. He was beyond confused, and wanted to know what was happening, but he couldn't just walk into S.H.I.E.L.D. and expected to be taken seriously without people giving him hell about anything. Ruffling his hair, he had gone up to bed, but he really couldn't sleep after that. It wasn't until a few hours later that James was finally notified.

His father didn't escape an explosion in time, and now, he was lost at sea.

James didn't know what to think, hadn't…hadn't this happened before? It wouldn't be long before he showed up again in a matter of days. That's just how his dad was, he would be gone, but he always came back, always. It was a slow, dreary week for everyone, Stark, Romanoff, and Barton searched relentlessly for Captain America, but his body was never found. The only thing Stark came back with…was his shield. James had watched as his mother accepted the shield, her face stoic, eyes hard. She was holding up a strong demeanor, keeping her ground and emotions intact. She was really strong, not accepting any sympathy from anyone, especially pity. However, during the eerie hours of the night, when James would make his way towards the kitchen, he'd hear the soft sobs of his mother as he past her door, feeling a heavy sensation in his heart. It was affecting him, slowly. He wanted to blame his father; it was much easier, but harder for him all the same. James was beginning to regret not taking that last phone call.

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months, and the months turned into another year. Still, there was no news about his father's whereabouts. James tried hard to not get involved in anything that had to do with his father; he thought forgetting about him would be easier. His mother coped, but it was obvious just how much his absence affected her. Her love questioned his love for his father, did he love his father? He couldn't bring himself to think about it. James didn't want to think about it. He shut his father out, and this time, he hoped it was for the good.

One summer night, James was helping his mother move boxes from her closet, to the attic. It was her first day off in weeks; he was berating her about resting downstairs, that he could finish the job. She gave in, leaving him to the work. It didn't take long for him to finish up, and as he descended the attic steps, he quickly decided to check her closet one last time before calling it a night. James had scanned the closet, and at the very top shelf, he spotted an old photo album. He had never seen it before, so he snatched it from its resting place, and quietly made his way to the den, away from his mother's prying eyes. He immediately saw his father's shield hanging on the wall, in the middle of the room. Avoiding his gaze, he sat on one of the couches, his back to the shield.

As he proceeded to open the album, something fluttered out. James looked down and saw that it was an envelope, already yellowing with age. Twenty years? Has it really been that long? Setting the photo album aside, he reached down for the envelope. He opened it and pulled out a letter, hoping it wasn't something of his mother's. He carefully unfolded the letter, and immediately noticed that it was his father's handwriting. James' heart gave a skip as he read the letter.

_Son,_

_Can I start by saying that you are the best thing that's ever happened to me? Right now, you're upstairs in the room with your mother, we just brought you home. I think she's rocking you to sleep, but I wanted to write this to you before I head upstairs. I had never been a father before, and I have a lot ahead of me, to be honest. That day, when I first heard your cry, I was reminded just how important you are to me, how you changed the lives of your mother and I. I had this feeling of completion, a sense of security, and when I held you for the first time, whole. My little man, my little soldier, you are everything I ever dreamed you to be. As I held you close and kissed your mother, thanking her for the marvelous gift that you were, something else crossed my mind as I looked at both of you._

_Son, you might be too young to understand, and there will come a day in your life where you will never want to understand, but you have to know. I love you, soldier, I feel the pride of a father as I cradle you in my arms. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to build a family, just how much I had to sacrifice. Despite being who I am, I am a selfish man. I want to be with you and your mother always, to be a part of your lives forever. I want to be there for you when you first fall, I want to be the one to teach you how to walk, to show you how to ride your first bike, or throw your first football. I want to see you grow into a man I know I will be proud of. You and your mother are my motivation, my inspiration to try my best. Then I see the world, when I look out my window, and realize how selfish I am being._

_Son, this world is far from perfect. There will be dangers that you will have to face, as much as I hate to expose you; you have to see for yourself. The life of a soldier isn't easy, and if you pledge to yourself to protect one, you have to pledge to yourself to protect all. Soldier, not every person in this world has a person to protect them, a hero to look up to, and it's my life's mission to help a person in need; no matter the size, shape, or color. I fight for the frightened souls; I fight to make this a safer place for you and your mom. I grew up in war; I know the feeling of soldiers giving their lives for my freedom, for the freedom to become the person I am today, for the freedom of having you and your mother. I want to give you that same chance, the same opportunity, not just for you, but for everyone._

_I want to make you proud._

_I claim you, James Clint Rogers, as my son. It does not matter who you turn out to be, what your choices lead to; you are my son, nothing will change. The good Lord placed you in my hands, I could ask for nothing more. I hold you up for the world to see, and I am not ashamed to tell them that you're mine. You're the light of my life, and I would change nothing about you. There will be a time where I might not always be there, but I will be fighting for you, thinking of you, living for you, like a father should. I will always come back to you, and if I find myself lost, I know deep in my heart, that you will come and find me. Soldiers do not leave fellow comrades behind, and when you take a bullet, I will be there to carry you through the mines, just how I know that you would do the same for me. I'm not telling because you're my son, I'm telling you because I can already see in your eyes, just how big of a man you will become. You make me proud, just by being who you are._

_Keep your chin up,_

_Your father_

James immediately closed the letter back up, tears welling up in his eyes, his chest heaving. James didn't know what to feel, what to think, what to say to himself. His father…his father…He slowly stood up, walking towards his father shield. Slowly, he reached out and plucked if off the wall. He stared down at the shield and realized, as he stared at the reflection, just how much he looked like his father.

Teardrops fell onto the polished surface, as James struggled with the lump in his throat.

"I'm proud of you soldier…I'm proud of you, dad…"

…

He stared down at the shield, murmuring a quick prayer as the helicopter took them across the sea towards their destination. One of the pilots turned in his seat and yelled over his shoulder. "Captain Rogers, we're nearing the location, get ready to jump, sir!"

He nodded at the pilot, before the door opened, giving him the view of water, as well as the small uncharted island he was about to investigate. Pulling the mask onto his face, and strapping the parachute across his back, he held the shield in front of him. "Men, do not send reinforcements until I give my signal." He was met with a chorus of 'Yes, sir!' After his gear was ready, he took a deep breath, however, before jumping, someone called out.

"Sir, that's a mighty fine shield you got there."

Captain America turned to the man. "Thanks, it's my father's shield."

With a final nod, James jumped out of the helicopter, the shield reflecting the water as he fell.

_Soldiers do not leave fellow comrades behind…_

"I'm coming, dad…I'm coming, soldier…"

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_**I hope you like it! This one is for you, Talia and Jackie! I love you guys!**_


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